Profile on Sam
A young man by the name of Sam has a few interesting this about him, some different musical preferences, building computers and more.
what got Sam into building computers was just the general interest in the topic and watching you tube videos on building computers just thought him how and gave him even more interest.
Sam's family has more people than most family's, with a mom, dad, six girls and one boy(Sam). Sam said, "Four of my sisters are older than i am and the other two are younger."
when Sam listens to music he listens to European music. why, because of his ancestry, him learning about his family's history got him listening to it. And ever since then hes listen to European music.
There are a few interesting things about Sam.
what got Sam into building computers was just the general interest in the topic and watching you tube videos on building computers just thought him how and gave him even more interest.
Sam's family has more people than most family's, with a mom, dad, six girls and one boy(Sam). Sam said, "Four of my sisters are older than i am and the other two are younger."
when Sam listens to music he listens to European music. why, because of his ancestry, him learning about his family's history got him listening to it. And ever since then hes listen to European music.
There are a few interesting things about Sam.
I think the information that you put into this was very fitting and made sense, but you did have a few grammar and capitalization error you could fix.
ReplyDeleteGood job. You could make it less like a list. you also have a few spelling errors to. But over all good job
ReplyDeleteYour content is good and you have the right idea but you need to make this more of story compared to a list. But good job, keep going!
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ReplyDeleteThis article feels a bit more like you just made a simple list instead of making an article and you could have made your information pop a bit more and not sound as boring. You have a few spelling errors and grammatical errors but other than that I'd have to say maybe use interesting wording to spice up your sentences even when you don't have much information.
ReplyDeleteI think this profile showed me some things about Sam that I definitely would not know without reading this. You should definitely elaborate on some of these topics, it would be interesting to hear more about them. The only thing I really have to note is the fact that there were a few grammar mistakes throughout the profile.
ReplyDeleteI like your story but i feel like you should go back and reread it because there are some grammar/spelling issues that could be changed and improved. I also think your lead could be changed because it does feel like a list, and I'm sure there are more than just a few interesting things about Sam.
ReplyDeleteThe story is good, but you should go back and check capitalization and punctuation errors throughout the profile.
ReplyDeleteI feel as though this is a good story but when you start a new paragraph be sure to add the capitalization
ReplyDeleteI feel like I know Sam better than i did before reading this article, maybe add some transition words to make it flow better.
ReplyDeletethere's a few capitalization errors and spelling errors, but overall good detail and I feel like I know more about Sam.
ReplyDeleteI think you should expand your points a little more; right now this reads as more of a list compared to the target of an article.
ReplyDeleteThere are some spelling errors (meaning capitalization) and I also think you could build up on a few things as well. Keep working! Good job!
ReplyDelete